Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Freckle Freak named Kit Kittredge

Kit should just go and sell herself on E-bay. That kid is driving me insane. You'd think an 8 year old would be more mature, but she acts like a 2 year old since she's the "baby of the family".

My best friend, Nellie-of-the-modern-world (Not to be confused with Nellie O'Malley. THAT Nellie still lives in 1904, poor kid. Nellie-of-the-modern-world is a girl from my karate class also named Nellie even though she isn't the same person. Her full name is Nellie Mallery, and she's my best friend of the modern world). ANYWAY, Nellie-of-the-modern-world and I were going to practice kar-a-te in my room when the Freckle Freak popped in, asking for money so she could get something from the ice cream truck. I asked her why she couldn't buy it herself, and she said she was broke. I ignored her. She got mad at this so I just told her I was empty on cash. Then she walked right up to my piggy bank, smashed it on the floor, and took some dollars and coins with her, screamed "YOU LIED TO ME!" and left. What a baby and creeper. I'm not worried, though. I can always sneak into her room and take even more cash. 
This is just today's complaint. One good thing about 1904 is that it didn't have Kit. She's worse than Eddie Ryland! Well, maybe not. Eddie Ryland is pretty terrible.
Anyway, Kit is evil. Kit spelled backwards is Tik. Tiks bite people; they are evil. 

So don't buy Kit this holiday season. Not for you, not for your mama, not for your daughter, not for anyone. You will sorely regret ever bringing this monster into your household. Samantha says NO to Kit.

On second thought, if you want to take this thing off my hands....if you think you can tame it...I'll sell her! Use the money to buy me a skateboard. If you want a monsterous Kit doll, a freckle freak, a babyish 8 year old, a stealer, a lier.....comment below. It'd be a HUGE favor to me.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Let's Get Down to Business....

...to defeat the Huns! Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I ever met but you can bet before we're through....Mister I'll make a man out of you! 

Today my little sister, Kit, and I played with our Disney Princess dolls. Someone got me the whole set, but really the only ones I like are Mulan (my favorite), Pocahontas, and Rapunzel. I gave Kit the rest. Her favorite princesses are Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. She asked me why I liked Mulan so much. I told her because Mulan is the fiercest, awesomest warrior princess there ever was. All that Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella do is fall in love with total strangers and sing about it by a well. They also sneak out when grounded to go off to parties. They are always scaredy cats and can't stand up for themselves at all and need some sort of Prince Charming to complete their life. They are all helpless damsels-in-distress.

However, Mulan risks her life to save her father by pretending to be a man and joining the Chinese army for him. She is brave and smart. She is courageous and perseveres. She is funny and independent. She is totally wickedly awesome.

I want to to Disney World so much so I can meet the real Mulan! I also really want a Mulan warrior costume...that would be so cool.


Saturday, May 5, 2012


That's right! It's sombrero time! 'Cause today is.....Cinco De Mayo! That means 5th of May in Mexican.

Mayo is also short for mayonnaise, which is a very important condiment in today's society.

Josefina said she'd make us a real homemade Mexican dinner, but I was just as happy going to Qdoba, especially since I got a coupon to there from my friend Leah. She makes straight A's on her report card each quarter, which is rewarded with a coupon to Qdoba at my school. She hates Mexican food so she always gives me the coupon. In exchange I buy her an ice cream at lunch.

My human is really starting to freak me out. Today Kailey walked in my room and she was BALD. At first I assumed she was experiencing early-age balding. I asked Kailey WHAT THE BIEBER happened and she said that the Human scalped her with a spoon and nail polish remover. Apparently it's called re-wigging, and a new scalp of hair is going to come in the mail for Kailey to have. I just hope I'm not next. Kailey gets to pick out her own wig, but I'm not sure if its worth it as she said it hurts bad.
However, if I were rewigged, I'd totally pick a purple-and-black wig.

Another thing the Human is doing is selling a bunch of our old clothes and accessories and buying new ones straight from AG. She told us to write down what we wanted most. This was my list:

1. A Skateboard. How many times do I have to tell you, human?
2. Cool clothes. I really don't like wearing my ones from 1904!
3. A really cool AG doll with purple hair.
4. Two pet mice so I can call them Pedro and Samson
5. An Eddie Ryland dart board!

Do you think I will get them? I hope so!!!

Again, happy Cinco De Mayo. OLE!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I'm Samantha and You Know It

Hey peeps! My human FINALLY let me get a blog. It took a lot of begging but now I finally got it.

Let me introduce moi.

I am an AWESOME Pre-Mattel Samantha doll. I used to live in 1904 when I was little. But then my arch nemesis Eddie Ryland tricked me into going through a magic portal to present day. At first, I hated it. But then I realized that the people in 2012 have it made! I can do so many cool stuff that I couldn't have done in 1904. I love it here! So, jokes on Ryland. But since the intention of his trick was negative, I'm always thinking up ways to return to 1904 and get back at him. He used to be just a pest, but now he is my arch nemesis. So you are always welcome to give me ideas.

I live with my sisters, who are also dolls. They come from all different time periods too. Turns out I'm not the only one who took a portal! We all belong to our human, Madeline. She is a good human but sometimes I wish she bought more stuff for us. We only get new stuff on occasion because it is apparently "so expensive".

Anyway my fans who followed my human's old blog all love me because I used to make guest posts that would make people laugh. I am really a hilarious person. It is a shame that my human doesn't make more photo stories about me. Oh well. At least now I have a blog and can make my own photo stories!

I love you all (as friends, I mean) so pleaseeee with a cherry on top click that "follow" button over there to the side. See it? See it? If you click it, you will get updates on when I post! And we all know that I'm awesome. So do it. Now!

Yours truly,